Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -This is it.  This is beautiful.  This is the kind of stuff I want to converse about.  Panther, thank you for posting this. <snip i have social phobia too.  always have, to some extent.  over the years i’ve constructed a good social mask which does take less energy to wear as the years go by.  but it always takes a good deal of my energy. <snip I certainly can relate to anxiety over social occasions, I use to puke before a gathering where there were people that I did not know. (and sometimes with ppl I DID know)  Did it for years actually unbeknownst to anyone who did not live in the house with me. and i would somehow invariably put my WORST foot forward. <snip and then started having the "gatherings" at my house that I pretty much lost that ole anxiety. (Granted ppl who come to the gatherings may or may not have noticed that I would disappear occasionally (slip out the door and would take a quiet walk by myself or something). <snip How about we make a deal?  We’ll start talking about the fear of social situations (I’m sure we  aren’t the only two survivors who have or have had that).  

<snip Just an AOL – thanks for this conversation too. Skipping a lot of stuffhere atm, but wanted to AOL this.

Response:

- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – First I’d like to thank azure for moving this topic and joining in. Sure those ponies in the back pasture won’t cure those anxiety attacks? ponies?  The ones from pony island?  :-) One and the same.  Did you have one your particularly liked???  A particular color??? ponys me like sheflend ponys  me like bage color  bethie     I certainly can relate to anxiety over social occasions, I use to puke before a gathering where there were people that I did not know. (and sometimes with ppl I DID know)  Did it for years actually unbeknownst to anyone who did not live in the house with me. Actually, it wasn’t until I started using the internet, met one or two people first, and then started having the "gatherings" at my house that I pretty much lost that ole anxiety. (Granted ppl who come to the gatherings may or may not have noticed that I would disappear occasionally (slip out the door and would take a quiet walk by myself or something). My mother told me once that even when I was a baby I use to cry as soon as I left our house and really got hysterical if we went into a store or office.  So this started way back as a baby it seems. I get this if I’m on a road trip when it hits just about 2 – 2 1/2 hours. But I know why :-( School was hell for me.  First just leaving my house but then having to be in a room full of people and terror is the teacher picked on me to say anything. Oh GOD yes :-(  One nun was particularly bad, I had her for 5th and 7th grades.  I was so petrified that I began to stutter.  When this happened (it was the only time I stuttered btw), she would say "Oh, SIT down" and she’d call on someone else. I was put in special reading classes for years simply because I just "could not" read out loud in a classroom.  It finally took a wonderful teacher to keep me after class one day and asked me to read to him alone before it was proved that my reading skills were beyond my grade level.  All because I was so scared of people. I could not read out loud in school either (I’ve only just overcome this over the last 10 years).  Mercifully in highschool there was a teacher who said that if anyone was uncomfortable reading out loud to just let him know privately.  I did.  It taught me to also mention it to other teachers and they respected that :-) I believe this is also one of the reason’s I ended up doing drugs. Codeine and ritlin (speed too) has an effect on me to open up and talk to people, to WANT to talk to them, to feel good being around them. Now that I’m clean it seems my phobia is back in full force. I guess I was fortunate that I never got into drugs (my addiction is cigerettes though).  I could not (and most likely still do not) trust most people enough to be in front of them without my full facilities. This is also part of the reason my marriage broke up.  My not being able to go to social gatherings with my husband, or work related gatherings. I seemed to be able to do that when necessary.  I would often dream the night before that I was infront of a crowd talking and suddenly, one by one, my teeth would fall out.  Also during particularly stressful times when I was in a position that I had to get up in front of ppl, I would invaribly get a "cold" and lose my voice.  Sometimes as long as 3 to 4 months. I spent the first 6 months of my marriage not being able to walk into a grocery store to buy food.  I can do that now, I can go to gatherings IF I know most of the people, but it’s still a strugle to go.  It’s weird.  I can walk into a room of NA and even stand up and talk about my life/history but put me in a social situation and I’m a mess. Guess I was fortunate in that regard :-) I can’t do the "meeting at my house" stuff either.  Hell my brother wanted to visit awhile back and I fell to pieces just thinking about him coming to visit and I’ve known him and loved him since ‘93. I feel safer if the meeting occurs in my house. How about we make a deal?  We’ll start talking about the fear of social situations (I’m sure we  aren’t the only two survivors who have or have had that).  We’ll see if by the time we have the guesthouse built we can say, don’t ever say never. (that way you would have your own private "space") And I’m serious, don’t be surprised if there IS a pony looking at you through the back door when you get here.  It’s been said I’m not to "go crazy with the horses" but hell…..three doesn’t make a person crazy does it? Panther, I went to bed last night having panic attacks.  Heart pounding, head spinning, feeling sick to my stomach, just over this post alone.  We can talk about this.  But I can’t even THINK about a visit.  I was amazed that I was even able to go to geode’s memorial, and thank goodness for Laurie because I clung onto her most of the time, and also some of the alters took over for awhile. Yes I recall that you went to geode’s and that was a very good thing.  I found that under circumstances I could do social things and other times there was NOWAY.  In looking back, I think that when I thought a social situation would help others, I could do it.  If for some reason it was not of that type, I’d freak out.  i.e. school gathering were for the children; politics was fighting for some good that benefited others etc. Well the alters aren’t around as much anymore,  I’m not doing drugs anymore, and I’m falling apart in this area now….. Thanks to you and spike though for the kindness. You’re quite welcome Kaitlyn Panther Kaitlyn Best, Panther panther, or Noel; i wish to invite our kait to canada please assist me. spike can i call you dear? ppl say it’s too hard or difficult to visit, i say bull! does panther have your #?? With love and buds, andy dearest andy,     those are not the only reasons.  I don’t do well in visiting people.

Kait, i know you are tuff. You can overcome this. Several ways. Paxil helps many ppl. A leap of faith, when you see that nothing bad happens and you have fun, you will overcome this. Ever been on a snowmobile? Had a snowball-fight? Walk on water? You could do this with pals and on private land no assholes (‘cept for me) for miles and miles. Wanna ice skate? I’ll teach you! I think if you tried all sorts of new exciting things it would help you overcome your difficulties. I’ve been planning to leave the city for years now i am, so if you like shopping the theater and other cultural activities it’s a hour drive to toronto, but the new setting is a northern lake in a mixed forest of pine and maple, very peaceful. I’ll just keep a candle in the window for you.  I have this little disorder called social phobia, and it’s hell on me.  I’ve been here in my apartment for over two weeks now without any outside contact except calls from my daughter and writting here.  I’m not even answering my phone these days.

LOL i have not answered the fone in a week or so. Sometimes if ppl come over especially early, even close friends i’ll say get lost. Or even worse say the cops come over i’ll just turn up the music, usually nirvana you know la la la i can’t hear you. So i’m just as bad as you. Sometimes it get bad, and now is one of those times, but even when it’s doing ok, I still have major panic attacks just thinking about going anywhere to meet anyone.

Ok, i understand. Only try this for a week or so when you feel this way….. Visualize yourself, a sunny day (we have warm sunny days in the winter here) sitting on the back of a skidoo laughing your ass off holding on to spike for dear life, in 5 minutes you will want you drive it yourself and you can it’s easy! Making snow angels, walking on water to go ice fishing, having a huge lake as your private ice skating rink to learn on. The one thing i know to help overcome fear is fun, i’ll promise you have fun. You can have a freaking second childhood up there!  So as much as I might want to visit or even have you visit me, it just not gonna happen.  I’ve talked about this subject on the newsgroup a few times.  It always turns out OK when I do go, but it’s the days/weeks/months leading up to going that I find terrible to survive.  Now with my heart problems it seems the problem is worse, because of the stress.

I sincerely do not wish to cause you any stress, but i really feel that there are solutions, we just have to try a bit harder, but it’s something we can perhaps talk about later. Hugs! spike – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –     Your a kind man andy and thank you so much for the offer, but like I said it’s not going to happen. Hugs to you dear friend

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Response:

Can I join in here without making it a crowd?   ;-)

This is it.  This is beautiful.  This is the kind of stuff I want to converse about.  Panther, thank you for posting this. I remember reading about Liz getting ready to see Ghostwolf and her struggles with it and being awestruck.  I was still PO’d at her for other reasons but kept thinking, "Now, THAT is courage!  THAT is guts!"  because she faced the fear and DID IT. i have social phobia too.  always have, to some extent.  over the years i’ve constructed a good social mask which does take less energy to wear as the years go by.  but it always takes a good deal of my energy.

I think a whole lot of us have spent inordiate amounts of energy  taking those huge steps….. into a room full of people….. that office to talk with someone we don’t know…… being collared on the street by someone looking for directions. Shit.  i spent 5 years at a railroad doing desktop publishing but they stuck me with answering the goddamn phone with no training… it ate a hole in my stomach.  God, i hate the telephone.  Customer service. Gives me the willies.  my job now… they have vowed they will NOT NEVER EVER expect me to answer anyone’s phone except my own.  a ringing phone is like an electrical charge, a stun gun, a cattle prod that goes right up my backbone like a searing pain up in my head.  I HATE THE TELEPHONE… hate hate hate it

There are days when the phone rings and I dread picking it up…… I very simply know that what ever is on the other end is not good.  That some how they will see the flaws so readily apparent to me.  I guess I can congratulate myself…. I always answer the damn thing. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Sure those ponies in the back pasture won’t cure those anxiety attacks? oh, man… Animals and children.  Instant relaxation.  They’re not as judgemental.  not as pervertedly complex. I certainly can relate to anxiety over social occasions, I use to puke before a gathering where there were people that I did not know. (and sometimes with ppl I DID know)  Did it for years actually unbeknownst to anyone who did not live in the house with me. and i would somehow invariably put my WORST foot forward. Actually, it wasn’t until I started using the internet, met one or two people first, exactamundo.  that’s what did it for me.  my social circle expanded astronomically when i started using computer BBS’s, and met people on that level.  i discovered a whole new world, where it was easy to communicate and people responded to what was inside of me rather than a six-second summation of what was on the outside. and then started having the "gatherings" at my house that I pretty much lost that ole anxiety. (Granted ppl who come to the gatherings may or may not have noticed that I would disappear occasionally (slip out the door and would take a quiet walk by myself or something). and there is not one goddamn thing wrong with that.  you have the absolute right to do that.  i remember being blasted for that, screamed and ranted at if i as much as left the room, however overwhelmed with people i was.  and yet at other times i would be screamed at to "get out!" and mocked for my ridiculous social gaffes. i will never forget having a sweet friend over for a weekend… i was so hesitant to broach it to her… if there came a time when i was over-peopled and needed time for myself, would she mind if i drove off awhile to visit a chapel or something?  and it was so astounding that she had no problem with that… did not rear back in offense and say something snarky, but on the contrary…

Now, this is something I’ve never let myself do.  Take a break, to move away from the stressor, even for a little bit. How about we make a deal?  We’ll start talking about the fear of social situations (I’m sure we  aren’t the only two survivors who have or have had that). NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!!!!

:-) We’ll see if by the time we have the guesthouse built we can say, don’t ever say never. (that way you would have your own private "space") And I’m serious, don’t be surprised if there IS a pony looking at you through the back door when you get here. It’s been said I’m not to "go crazy with the horses" but hell….. three doesn’t make a person crazy does it? yes it does.  if you limit it to just three. and you have to make sure you have plenty of dogs and kitties to balance the horses. azure

jeeco

Response:

This is it.  This is beautiful.  This is the kind of stuff I want to converse about.  Panther, thank you for posting this. I remember reading about Liz getting ready to see Ghostwolf and her struggles with it and being awestruck.  I was still PO’d at her for other reasons but kept thinking, "Now, THAT is courage!  THAT is guts!"  because she faced the fear and DID IT. i have social phobia too.  always have, to some extent.  over the years i’ve constructed a good social mask which does take less energy to wear as the years go by.  but it always takes a good deal of my energy. Shit.  i spent 5 years at a railroad doing desktop publishing but they stuck me with answering the goddamn phone with no training… it ate a hole in my stomach.  God, i hate the telephone.  Customer service. Gives me the willies.  my job now… they have vowed they will NOT NEVER EVER expect me to answer anyone’s phone except my own.  a ringing phone is like an electrical charge, a stun gun, a cattle prod that goes right up my backbone like a searing pain up in my head.  I HATE THE TELEPHONE… hate hate hate it Sure those ponies in the back pasture won’t cure those anxiety attacks?

oh, man… Animals and children.  Instant relaxation.  They’re not as judgemental.  not as pervertedly complex. I certainly can relate to anxiety over social occasions, I use to puke before a gathering where there were people that I did not know. (and sometimes with ppl I DID know)  Did it for years actually unbeknownst to anyone who did not live in the house with me.

and i would somehow invariably put my WORST foot forward. Actually, it wasn’t until I started using the internet, met one or two people first,

exactamundo.  that’s what did it for me.  my social circle expanded astronomically when i started using computer BBS’s, and met people on that level.  i discovered a whole new world, where it was easy to communicate and people responded to what was inside of me rather than a six-second summation of what was on the outside. and then started having the "gatherings" at my house that I pretty much lost that ole anxiety. (Granted ppl who come to the gatherings may or may not have noticed that I would disappear occasionally (slip out the door and would take a quiet walk by myself or something).

and there is not one goddamn thing wrong with that.  you have the absolute right to do that.  i remember being blasted for that, screamed and ranted at if i as much as left the room, however overwhelmed with people i was.  and yet at other times i would be screamed at to "get out!" and mocked for my ridiculous social gaffes. i will never forget having a sweet friend over for a weekend… i was so hesitant to broach it to her… if there came a time when i was over-peopled and needed time for myself, would she mind if i drove off awhile to visit a chapel or something?  and it was so astounding that she had no problem with that… did not rear back in offense and say something snarky, but on the contrary… How about we make a deal?  We’ll start talking about the fear of social situations (I’m sure we  aren’t the only two survivors who have or have had that).  

NO SHIT, SHERLOCK!!!!!! We’ll see if by the time we have the guesthouse built we can say, don’t ever say never. (that way you would have your own private "space") And I’m serious, don’t be surprised if there IS a pony looking at you through the back door when you get here.   It’s been said I’m not to "go crazy with the horses" but hell….. three doesn’t make a person crazy does it?

yes it does.  if you limit it to just three. and you have to make sure you have plenty of dogs and kitties to balance the horses. azure

Response: