Question:

Hi, I think Im looking for what I see here. Honest opinions and feed back. Please no holds bar. Im 36 been married 16 years. I bought in to the until death do us part from the beginning.I have allot of beliefs and morals that guide me. So when I say the day after our honeymoon my husband stayed out with the guys drinking and is still doing it 16 years later Ive pretty much tried everything to keep the marriage. I have a son (Hes everything and then some).Hes 5. We both love him and provide pretty equal as far as nuturing disapline food clothing.Not either one of us is the better parent. Though my husband might not see it that way.If he does he didnt voice it to me. We both have are false.My husband a Alcholic and Gambler. In the last year this has gotten out of control.Where we are financialy strapped. I deal with Panic attacks and have been housebound for a year before My son was born. I have gotten treatment and can say Im on the other side and feling pretty good. Everytime My husband gets drunk (every two days) he throws seperation and divorce in my face. He made appointments for treatment but has not kept them. Honestly the love has become non existent for me towards him. He tells me he loves me and will tell the day he dies. I want out.I am sinking fast in despair.There is not a day that does not go by where I am not insulted. He doesnt make it to work and I pick up the slack. The straw that broke this back was when he took our son by the hand and said Listen son Im going to tell you something and I want you to always remember it Your Mommy is stupid and dont never forget it. Theres no violence and for the most part the argueing has stopped. I guess Im looking for validation that I dont have to live like this. That I can safely take my son and raise him with out the Alcholol influencing him. I know it will be hard on all of us. Im scared to death about it. I dont even know where to begin the change. I have tons of questions but Ill end this here.Its already a book.Hope your still reading and I hope to hear lots. C Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response:

C, you cannot change him unless he wants to change and it sounds to me like you’ve tried so hard.  You are right, no one deserves to live with an alcoholic.  If he refuses help then you do what you must do for you and your son.  And I wish you good luck!  (((hugs))) Daisy Get acquainted with the posters of ASD! http://www.geocities.com/asddaisy

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I think Im looking for what I see here. Honest opinions and feed back. Please no holds bar. Im 36 been married 16 years. I bought in to the until death do us part from the beginning.I have allot of beliefs and morals that guide me. So when I say the day after our honeymoon my husband stayed out with the guys drinking and is still doing it 16 years later Ive pretty much tried everything to keep the marriage. I have a son (Hes everything and then some).Hes 5. We both love him and provide pretty equal as far as nuturing disapline food clothing.Not either one of us is the better parent. Though my husband might not see it that way.If he does he didnt voice it to me. We both have are false.My husband a Alcholic and Gambler. In the last year this has gotten out of control.Where we are financialy strapped. I deal with Panic attacks and have been housebound for a year before My son was born. I have gotten treatment and can say Im on the other side and feling pretty good. Everytime My husband gets drunk (every two days) he throws seperation and divorce in my face. He made appointments for treatment but has not kept them. Honestly the love has become non existent for me towards him. He tells me he loves me and will tell the day he dies. I want out.I am sinking fast in despair.There is not a day that does not go by where I am not insulted. He doesnt make it to work and I pick up the slack. The straw that broke this back was when he took our son by the hand and said Listen son Im going to tell you something and I want you to always remember it Your Mommy is stupid and dont never forget it. Theres no violence and for the most part the argueing has stopped. I guess Im looking for validation that I dont have to live like this. That I can safely take my son and raise him with out the Alcholol influencing him. I know it will be hard on all of us. Im scared to death about it. I dont even know where to begin the change. I have tons of questions but Ill end this here.Its already a book.Hope your still reading and I hope to hear lots. C Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response:

The straw that broke this back was when he took our son by the hand and said Listen son Im going to tell you something and I want you to always remember it Your Mommy is stupid and dont never forget it. Theres no violence and for the most part the argueing has stopped.

He’s lost respect for you, that can be regained. I guess Im looking for validation that I dont have to live like this.

You don’t have to live like this. That I can safely take my son and raise him with out the Alcholol influencing him.

Slow down a second… yes, divorce is a option, but it’s like amputation. I think the first thing you ought to do is get help with YOU. There are support groups to help you get the emotional tools you need to deal with your dispair and your husbands drinking. I know it will be hard on all of us. Im scared to death about it. I dont even know where to begin the change.

Start by reaching for a phone book. The help you need may be as close as that. I have tons of questions but Ill end this here.Its already a book.Hope your still reading and I hope to hear lots.

Speaking of books, try your public libary as well.

Response:

There can be merit in a relationship of’friendship’ with a previous partner, that allow you both to have other ‘life-mates’  It may be that too much damage has been done to live together. That doesn’t mean you cant both be good parents, and be civilised in a friendly relationship. Keep your eyes open for other people in your situation who may enjoy your company, and really make you feel worthwhile. Also I have just started a web-ste for people needing an outlet for their problems and frustrations, a distraction from the day to day turmoil. Take a look www.laptoplovers.com Good luck Lydia

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Hi, I think Im looking for what I see here. Honest opinions and feed back. Please no holds bar. Im 36 been married 16 years. I bought in to the until death do us part from the beginning.I have allot of beliefs and morals that guide me. So when I say the day after our honeymoon my husband stayed out with the guys drinking and is still doing it 16 years later Ive pretty much tried everything to keep the marriage. I have a son (Hes everything and then some).Hes 5. We both love him and provide pretty equal as far as nuturing disapline food clothing.Not either one of us is the better parent. Though my husband might not see it that way.If he does he didnt voice it to me. We both have are false.My husband a Alcholic and Gambler. In the last year this has gotten out of control.Where we are financialy strapped. I deal with Panic attacks and have been housebound for a year before My son was born. I have gotten treatment and can say Im on the other side and feling pretty good. Everytime My husband gets drunk (every two days) he throws seperation and divorce in my face. He made appointments for treatment but has not kept them. Honestly the love has become non existent for me towards him. He tells me he loves me and will tell the day he dies. I want out.I am sinking fast in despair.There is not a day that does not go by where I am not insulted. He doesnt make it to work and I pick up the slack. The straw that broke this back was when he took our son by the hand and said Listen son Im going to tell you something and I want you to always remember it Your Mommy is stupid and dont never forget it. Theres no violence and for the most part the argueing has stopped. I guess Im looking for validation that I dont have to live like this. That I can safely take my son and raise him with out the Alcholol influencing him. I know it will be hard on all of us. Im scared to death about it. I dont even know where to begin the change. I have tons of questions but Ill end this here.Its already a book.Hope your still reading and I hope to hear lots. C Got questions?  Get answers over the phone at Keen.com. Up to 100 minutes free! http://www.keen.com

Response: